Happy Holidays and Happy New Year! I have been struggling over the past couple of days as I contemplate this post about vulnerability. In my personal life, “vulnerability” is a dirty word…dirtier than the words, “eating ass”. You see, I struggle with being vulnerable. It’s hard for me to take off my mask and say, “Here I am, love me, if you will!”. I would rather say, “I don’t give blowjobs because I am a pillow princess. Deal with that!”.
It’s difficult for me to be honest with myself. It’s even more difficult for me to share my truth with others, especially those who are a significant part of my life. I fear that if I share my true thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that I will find out that “I am not good enough”. Feeling like I am not enough as I am is very difficult for me. Throughout my life, I have been invalidated and manipulated by the very people that should have provided me with unconditional love. I learned as a child that love sometimes hurts and you need to act accordingly to avoid that pain. I learned how to hide who I am, even from myself.
Now as a 30-year-old, I struggle with romantic relationships and close friendships. It’s easier to ignore people and give them the silent treatment, than saying “I feel hurt by what happened. Let’s talk about this”. I find myself having feelings for someone that I didn’t expect have. I doubt that I will tell him. (Well, if he reads this blog, then it’s a wrap!) Anyway, what I am trying to say is I am learning how to be vulnerable. Basically, I am learning how to love myself and others and accept myself and others, as we all are, flaws and all.
Sorry for the sappy post. Usually, I write something witty about anal sex. Enjoy the consolation prizes below, Christmas Dildos! Special thanks to my friend who emailed me one of the photos!
No copyright infringement is intended on any of the photos/ screenshots used in this blog post.